Subayai HA

Yesterday was the last performance of SubayaiHA. At first it seemed like a very big deal: This is a performance in THE Garden, where I first saw Hanaarashi in February 2007, where I met Ima-san, from where I started learning Butoh. Now It's August 2008, and I am performing Butoh there. And with no reserve. There were very little difficulties in making the piece - this is thanks to Ima-san, because of course she is brilliant and gave me a lot of great ideas. But the movement was all play that organically came out of the ideas. Like a serious prank. To the point that one day we were rehearsing and Ima-san said "ok, do it" (meaning, make it up and do it now like it's the performance). I ran through it, and she said "That was good, but it was 23 minutes long. Let's shoot for 10 next time." Ima-san doesn't talk like that, but that's the gist of it.

Well, now that it's over... it felt good. It was a strong performance, it was a crazy performance. At the same time, it had the air of overcompensation that someone does when they are trying really hard to do something. maybe. My mind is still looking for a place of calm when it dances. It reached that this time, although while I was onstage waiting to move, I kept thinking "there is no me." A comforting thought. Why care about what happens, how you are perceived, what your friends think, when there essentially is no you to protect? How easy is it to transform when you are cells and accumulated past and projected future existing all in the present?

I feel a little uneasy about the present, because I currently feel overwhelmed with the past and the future. The performance brought back childhood memories of the ranch, cattle, and family members. And, meanwhile, I am trying to plan to go back over christmas, but i keep debating about whether to go or not. I was ready to say "yes, i will go!" but then my partner said "Going to the US would be fun! But weren't you saying that you wanted to go to amsterdam or paris? if we went together, we would both be seeing it with new eyes." Decisions are the worst.

SubayaiHa! Butoh! Oooooooh.

Anyone have any suggestions regarding my 1 year or 5 year life plan? Just asking. Thanks!

Subayai Ha

Ob4ke y4shiki!!!

w4s gre4t!!!!

Hollow

Since the last post, I have dance in Maika's piece and begun rehearsals for obake yashiki. I've been having a lot of fun, but something in life and in dance is missing. There is a richness lacking. Like a cake that has an okay flavor but is dry like dirt.



I want to see something beautiful. I want to spend hours in a bookstore, watch good dance/theatre/movies, listen to good music, be good to friends. I will not drink alcohol until obake yashiki is over (July 27th). I will sleep. I will continue rehearsing in the hope that all of these form an effect, and there is grounding.

Fingers, Fingers, Fingers, Thumb

79-yr-old Keizo, a wry inquisitive Japanese man, when asked how he stayed so young, told me:
" I don't mind anything. It's nonsense."

Kiyoshi's baseball team had a beer spray party, like the professionals. I planned my version, a white-jump-suited ketchup and mustard fight, and he listened.

Sickness all last weekend. The moon was approaching fullness and everyone acting funny.

Being the most important person to the most valuable treasure.

"Dad, after I graduate and before I start three-year temple training and then live as a monk in the country, can I go abroad for a year?"
"Impossible."
"I understand."

Keikobah

I like how the Japanese word for "rehearsal space" sounds like the Dagobah but with two "ck" sounds in place of the "D" and "g." Say it with me: "Keikobah." Butoh dance is super-cool on its own, but imagine being able to do it in a place called "the keikobah." Imagine saying "see you in the keikobah." Imagine that your sensei goes to Europe for a month and leaves you the keys to the keikobah. Snap! It actually happened.

Recently, I love rehearsing and improvisation and don't care much for performance. I love building a story and watching something grow and shooting for discovery rather than solidity. Saturday morning I was playing in the keikobah and put together a few old ideas and found some new ones.

Butoh Day

Today, Giriyaku-san peformed in 4me-mura's triangle park.

The first d4nce is 4 d4nce 4bout horses. The second d4nce is 4 "jong4r4," 4 word which is not in my diction4ry. but the 4ctu4l d4nce looked like 4 festiv4l d4nce. like bon odori.