Monday, August 18, 2008

Subayai HA

Yesterday was the last performance of SubayaiHA. At first it seemed like a very big deal: This is a performance in THE Garden, where I first saw Hanaarashi in February 2007, where I met Ima-san, from where I started learning Butoh. Now It's August 2008, and I am performing Butoh there. And with no reserve. There were very little difficulties in making the piece - this is thanks to Ima-san, because of course she is brilliant and gave me a lot of great ideas. But the movement was all play that organically came out of the ideas. Like a serious prank. To the point that one day we were rehearsing and Ima-san said "ok, do it" (meaning, make it up and do it now like it's the performance). I ran through it, and she said "That was good, but it was 23 minutes long. Let's shoot for 10 next time." Ima-san doesn't talk like that, but that's the gist of it.

Well, now that it's over... it felt good. It was a strong performance, it was a crazy performance. At the same time, it had the air of overcompensation that someone does when they are trying really hard to do something. maybe. My mind is still looking for a place of calm when it dances. It reached that this time, although while I was onstage waiting to move, I kept thinking "there is no me." A comforting thought. Why care about what happens, how you are perceived, what your friends think, when there essentially is no you to protect? How easy is it to transform when you are cells and accumulated past and projected future existing all in the present?

I feel a little uneasy about the present, because I currently feel overwhelmed with the past and the future. The performance brought back childhood memories of the ranch, cattle, and family members. And, meanwhile, I am trying to plan to go back over christmas, but i keep debating about whether to go or not. I was ready to say "yes, i will go!" but then my partner said "Going to the US would be fun! But weren't you saying that you wanted to go to amsterdam or paris? if we went together, we would both be seeing it with new eyes." Decisions are the worst.

SubayaiHa! Butoh! Oooooooh.

Anyone have any suggestions regarding my 1 year or 5 year life plan? Just asking. Thanks!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Thursday, July 3, 2008


Since the last post, I have dance in Maika's piece and begun rehearsals for obake yashiki. I've been having a lot of fun, but something in life and in dance is missing. There is a richness lacking. Like a cake that has an okay flavor but is dry like dirt.

I want to see something beautiful. I want to spend hours in a bookstore, watch good dance/theatre/movies, listen to good music, be good to friends. I will not drink alcohol until obake yashiki is over (July 27th). I will sleep. I will continue rehearsing in the hope that all of these form an effect, and there is grounding.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Fingers, Fingers, Fingers, Thumb

79-yr-old Keizo, a wry inquisitive Japanese man, when asked how he stayed so young, told me:
" I don't mind anything. It's nonsense."

Kiyoshi's baseball team had a beer spray party, like the professionals. I planned my version, a white-jump-suited ketchup and mustard fight, and he listened.

Sickness all last weekend. The moon was approaching fullness and everyone acting funny.

Being the most important person to the most valuable treasure.

"Dad, after I graduate and before I start three-year temple training and then live as a monk in the country, can I go abroad for a year?"
"I understand."

Monday, May 12, 2008


I like how the Japanese word for "rehearsal space" sounds like the Dagobah but with two "ck" sounds in place of the "D" and "g." Say it with me: "Keikobah." Butoh dance is super-cool on its own, but imagine being able to do it in a place called "the keikobah." Imagine saying "see you in the keikobah." Imagine that your sensei goes to Europe for a month and leaves you the keys to the keikobah. Snap! It actually happened.

Recently, I love rehearsing and improvisation and don't care much for performance. I love building a story and watching something grow and shooting for discovery rather than solidity. Saturday morning I was playing in the keikobah and put together a few old ideas and found some new ones.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Butoh Day

Today, Giriyaku-san peformed in 4me-mura's triangle park.

The first d4nce is 4 d4nce 4bout horses. The second d4nce is 4 "jong4r4," 4 word which is not in my diction4ry. but the 4ctu4l d4nce looked like 4 festiv4l d4nce. like bon odori.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Monday was a very magical day. Kota's birthday!!!
Today two of my six-year-old girls came running into class and wanted to show me their bruises and explain how they didn't notice them until their teacher at school pointed it out to them. and then during class they pushed on their own bruises as hard as theycould until it produced an audible sound from their mouths, which they then used in the phonics practice.


and the start of today was discovering the motions of suckling baby kittens and wobbly airplanes, a few hours before that was waking up Sotaro and pretending I was drunk and lost and accidentally found his house by myself at 2 in the morning, before that was...

Kota's BIRTHD4Y!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I st4yed up l4te on 4ccident

Minerals are draining out of my body and I eat the fresh broccoli a student gave me to put some back in. Today was a longer day of work, signalled in with the miaowing of a lost house cat in the alley next to the office, and three lovely old women with interesting hobbies, and seven-rear-old girls who want to ask me questions about america rather than learn phonics, and i would rather chat with them than teach them phonics, but we all acquiesce to the curriculum and sing the phonics song to the tune of bingo with one eye on the clock. The rest is a blur of how was your weekend and news articles. Every time I go to the bathroom I can see the sky, sunny, dusky, dark. I leave with the same feeling that I came in with. Walking back to my house, I start talking to myself without knowing how. I enter my room, it's clean, and it's a feeling like a good dinner party, except its a clean, bright, and quiet space. I try to dance and stretch, but my body is too tight and a little weak. I can wait.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

My Heart Explodes

Lately, I have been interested in happiness and having fun. What is happiness? What is fun? These are questions that are so important to ask while making decisions in life. What kind of job will I do now, and what kind of career will I pursue in the future? What will I learn, what will I go to see, who will I spend time with, what do I want to make and get involved in? Recently, I started a full-time job teaching. This definitely goes in the plus category - meeting and talking with people of all ages and personalities while trying to improve their language ability. Good choice. But, it seriously limits my free time, which forces me to be more discriminating with what I do, and gives me a desire to pursue those things that make my heart explode. Because while my job is fun and good, there are many tiring points of teaching English conversation.

Like fucking talking to people! Man.

So, I want to get back to the attitude of a child, of how I could simply choose what was fun, without my opinions being obscured by feelings of obligation or desires for security. Do you know that feeling when you experience divine joy, and you feel so alive in that moment? Like that. I have two videos from Saturday night.

1. Happiness

2. Fun - Coming soon!! I h4ve to ste4l this video from Mekers.
Go here!!! This is the best p4rt of the whole post!!!!!

Go to the link Go to the link Go to the link
what do you think?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Monday, April 7, 2008

Nara blues

Yesterday, I went to Nara, a neighboring city that has the small-town feel, the third largest Buddha in Japan, and deer roaming freely.

There were many many tourists, because it was a Sunday, and because everyone is out to go cherry blossom viewing. So, lots of people holding hands. Gross. all those sweaty palms.

I always find myself looking at the people, or the twisting limbs of evergreen trees. I seldom look at the cherry blossoms, which seem like the point of the season. The ephemerality of them, the very reason why others may find them more beautiful than other trees, could be what turns me off. I only like to watch them when the wind is tearing their petals away softly. I wish I could appreciate them while they are here, instead of subconsciously dismissing them as liar trees. "Sure you are pretty now, but you won't be here after a heavy rain!" Sometimes I have difficulty appreciating beauty and life when it is so fragile, and then I wish I could just shut up and enjoy the moment, and then I feel bad for trying to prematurely correct myself and just wish to be angry for a little bit.

Me and Meka went to Y and Y livehouse to see Sho and Mao's bluesy live. Their set was amazing. I was not expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. They are a beautiful pair. I know they were dating at one point, but I don't know if they are now. They are in college now, so who knows how their musical lives will change after they graduate. Their show was alive and beautiful. (Watch the video clip, please please please.) I wanted to feel anger and sadness and happiness and everything that there can be in life. I sipped from an abominable cocktail called "Sweet Memories," (no, really, that was the name of the drink) and then left to catch the train.

Sunday, April 6, 2008


New blog excitement begins with s4mple video!